I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Im just a social blackout drinker.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
If its not for food we ain't going out.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
