And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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