i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
