Heybabeimwearingurpanties
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
