My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
