im having a threesome with these popsicles
Life is so much better after having sex.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
