He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
