I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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