dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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