turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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