I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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