You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
