I met the friendliest cop last night
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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