Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
