I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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