So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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