I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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