Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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