Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
