barbara walters just said penis...
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
