she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm getting married
To pizza
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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