Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
