Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
