Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
