It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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