Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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