Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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