Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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