Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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