And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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