so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
