I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I need moral support for this bender
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
