Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
