It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Randomize
