im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He did a backflip because drugs
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I forget how to act sober
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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