On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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