I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Apparently you make a good broom.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
