I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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