I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
