Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
