We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
home. puking in laundry basket.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
