I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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