I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
