he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
not ubering you a puppy
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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