i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
