i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
