apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
