Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
