i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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