How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
