The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
