remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
