dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
